How Do I Trust?

Trust is something I have just recently realized I have issues with. Let me explain.

Last week, my husband and I went to Chattanooga, TN for an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast--his anniversary present to me. :)  We were chatting about having friends on the way home and something he said hit me hard. "You have issues with trust. You never want to be hurt...not physically, emotionally, or spiritually."

He left the next day to take our almost-16-yr. old son skiing, so I've had the last week to ponder and pray about his statement. And I realize he's right. I don't trust.

Why? Because many people early in my life broke the bond of trust.

I have only a few memories of my childhood. A psychologist would say it's a coping mechanism, and I'm sure it is. You see my brother (14 yrs older than me) sexually molested me for many years. BROKEN TRUST. 

I have a vague memory of my mother walking in on "us" once. For a long time I thought I imagined it. Shortly before she died (I was in my 30's by then), I asked her about the "memory". She confirmed its truth and went on to state that she never left me alone with him again, but I know that can't be true (though I don't remember for sure). One memory I do have is when he returned home from an extended time away--I was a preteen or young teenager (I don't remember exactly)--I told him to leave me alone because I could get pregnant (public schools taught me something LOL). BROKEN TRUST.

My parents separated when I was 14. I don't think I saw or heard from my dad again until I was close to 16. At that time, I went to stay with him (and my grandparents) for two weeks. He wouldn't let me drive anywhere and I was bored and wound up leaving early. I didn't see him again until the day before my wedding (I was almost 21). BROKEN TRUST. (BTW, I don't think he knew about the molestation, ever.)

In my freshman year of high school, I dated a guy several years older than me. I can see now I was looking for someone to love me. We dated for a little over a year. He even asked me to marry him. *snort* I was so young. (Yes, my mother knew. No, she didn't discourage the relationship. She even took me to the health center for BC pills.) Said boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he worked with. I'd given him more than he deserved and he BROKE MY TRUST.

I could go on, but you can see why it's difficult for me to open myself up to others, allow them in to who I really am. I'm not even sure I know how to do that. I put on a good show. I can smile, joke, and get along with people as good as anyone, but I don't trust anyone with the real me-the one who feels things deeply.

Unfortunately, it doesn't just extend to humans. I sometimes fail to trust God, too. He knows my deepest, darkest secrets and loves me anyway. Why can't I trust Him always, in all things?

So I'll ask my question again...how do I trust? 

Blessings,

Ginger

PS. It's taken a great deal of courage to actually post this blog. Please be kind.

Review: Key Witness by Christy Barritt AND Something Beautiful by K. Dawn Byrd

I'll be honest...and you know this is true because I've said before...I LOVE to read. I would be happy to have a stack of books beside me, a nice cup of hot tea in one hand and a book or my iPad loaded with a book in the other hand. Who cares what the weather is outside? Eating? Not necessary. Communication? Over-rated. Just give me a book.

Unfortunately, I can read books faster than I can write the reviews I promised. I have a number of volumes sitting on my desk, waiting for me to fulfill my obligations. So today starts that responsibility. Join me as I review a few of the books I've been reading lately.

Key Witness by Christy Barritt

This is the second Christy Barritt book I've read, and I was not disappointed. Key Witness had plenty of the romance I love, and was jam-packed full of suspense from the very first sentence.

I read it straight through. The thought of putting it down never crossed my mind and I look forward to her next novel.

About the book:

When Elle Philips witnesses an armed robbery while standing in line at the bank, she sets into motion a deadly game of cat and mouse. Mark Denton, a security contractor and former navy SEAL, also witnesses the robbery, and is hired by Elle's father to keep his daughter safe following the incident. And while Denton's desire to protect Elle goes beyond professional bounds, he cannot let personal desires cloud his judgment—judgment he'll have to rely on when the robbers' true motives are revealed…and Elle becomes a target in the ultimate plot of revenge.

Rating: 5 stars

Something Beautiful by K. Dawn Byrd

Opposites attract. It's been proven over and over. When they do, it's not always easy to make the differences less important than the similarities.

In Something Beautiful, K. Dawn Byrd has two people, who happen to be opposites, falling in love. However, the trials they face might keep them from their happily-ever-after. Antony and Lauren's story challenged me to consider how I view other people. Very enjoyable.

About the book:

Lauren Milton has always followed the rules, but when she meets Antony Marcos, she discovers just how much fun it is to do her own thing. When Antony, the bad boy from the wrong side of the tracks, professes his love for her, her life is complete. He's her soul mate, but when she finds that he's harboring secrets, can she forgive him? 

Lauren has PTSD from the car accident that killed her boyfriend and her mother. Can she face her greatest fears while risking everything for the guy she loves? Can they overcome the obstacles facing them to find their happily ever after?

Antony is terrified that his secrets will destroy their relationship when Lauren finds out the truth. Does he tell the truth and face losing her or continue his activities, possibly placing her in danger? Can they make things work even though her family and friends are against him? 

Rating: 4 stars

Enjoy these two books. Come back in the next few days for more reviews from this insatiable reader.

Blessings,

Ginger

Another random Saturday...

Yep. All the way random.

Stayed up late last night--12:30 a.m.  I know, not late for some of you, however I am usually putting my head on the pillow by 10:30 p.m. I was reading Prophetess, sequel to Winter, by Keven Newsome. I'll be posting my review soon, so look for it. ;)

I learned how to operate WordPress this morning, as I will be co-blogging with some fellow writers at Writing Prompts & Thoughts & Ideas...Oh My! starting in March. My posts will appear on the second Tuesday of every month. Come check it out.

I also prepared my garage to receive my new chicks, due this week. (Yes, this is the bottom half of a doghouse.) I start the babies in the garage and when they get too big for that enclosure, but are still too small to move to the big chicken coop, I put them in a stall in the barn. It had to be repaired slightly since one of our dogs decided it was a good place to dig. In the big coop, I have a hen brooding. I set aside a little space that I hope she'll use if and when any of her eggs hatch. I am not counting on any of her chicks surviving. It will be an added bonus if they do.

What's going on at your house this weekend?

Blessings,
Ginger